- Mary Wrigley, "On a bus, a woman was with her son. Sign up for a new account in our community. Proper made me laugh" - Ricky Jones, "Two women on the 10A bus a few years ago were on about one of the women's daughters' fellas. Mine was meant to be a joke too, you know "calm down calm down" wave your hands up and down type thing? Someone shouted 'if it was a pie youd have caught it'" - Paul Mason, "I was at the Everton game once an this proper sweet little old lady started goin mad at the ref behind me an shouted 'OH YOU BLOODY DIPSTICK'. - Stephen Smith, "A friend of ours owned a pub in Liverpool city. The Manc wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby The Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine ?" I’ve had like five chocolate eclairs” - Phil Tonge, "Last year me and my mum were talking about her funeral song. Then Bob says, " Cilla , that was wonderful. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. ... We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. £100k pa and a Bentley as a company car, A manc (someone from Manchester) and a scouser (someone from Liverpool) are walking down a street talking football. Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave. Popcorned1, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. 'Perfect' Primark loungewear shoppers are rushing to buy ahead of second lockdown, Primark fans say its loungewear is perfect for "cosy nights in", Atalanta vs Liverpool - Score and highlights after Diogo Jota hat-trick and Mohamed Salah and Sadio Mane goals. Shop assistant: Certainly Sir, what size head are you? His birth certificate should be an apology letter from Dulux'. Actually cocked his leg up and winked as he done it. Smilies are the giveaway! He dashes into the players lounge and phones his mother to tell her all about it. The Manc kicks an empty can and a genie pops out. They break down and start hitching a lift. - Christine Smith, "On a night out waiting in a queue in a chippy. "Hey Manc, I hear your David Beckham is a transvestite poof"! "Oh, Rigobert"...she squeals....."....I am so pleased and proud of you, at last you are playing for a great team......they may not be as great as they once were, but I hear they have won the European Cup four times. ", "Apparently so. Jurgen Klopp believes no tactic could have stopped Liverpool against Atalanta, Liverpool defeated Atalanta 5-0 in the Champions League group stage on Tuesday with Diogo Jota netting a hat-trick, Rio Ferdinand reveals why Diogo Jota is better at Liverpool than Wolves, Diogo Jota has hit the ground at Liverpool since his £41m summer transfer from Wolverhampton Wanderers, Liverpool verdict - Diogo Jota ignites throwback performance as clear Champions League warning sent, Liverpool thrash Atalanta 5-0 in Italy with goals from Sadio Mane, Mohamed Salah and a hat-trick from the excellent Diogo Jota, Atalanta vs Liverpool LIVE - score, Diogo Jota, Mohamed Salah and Sadio Mane goals and commentary stream, Everton news and transfers - Samuel Chukwueze wanted, Emerson Royal interest, Cenk Tosun promise. Everton transfer news and updates including the latest on Andre Gomes, Isco, Arkadiusz Milik, Samuel Chukwueze, Emerson Royal and more. The violence is getting too much, your sister has been raped twice, your dear Grandmother has been attacked in the street, there is raw sewage running down the roads, its becoming more like a war-zone every day. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees. Even tho I didn't know who a Scouse was at the start, those were some really good jokes. Shortly afterward, one of the scousers leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Americans are hiding. A lady gets on a bit worst for ware, taking ages to sort money out, driver getting a bit impatient. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Followers 0. Hardik: Very Nice Stories Sometimes they’ll include recommendations for other related newsletters or services we offer. "Probably", said the Manc, "but one of them in there's a scouser, and I'm takin' no chances !!!!!". He was wearing a floss like a boss top at the time" - Danielle Brown, "In the pub years ago, the first person to have a mobile phone in the bar answers his mobile and says 'how did you know I was here?'" They break down and start hitching a lift. I was walking behind a lad and this girl tried to stop him and in a Scouse accent he goes 'sorry love - I don't speak English'" - Chris Watts, “No lad I can’t come out tonight, I pyar stink of cream. A. Q.What's the difference between Batman and a Scouser? Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. ''Yeah''Well fly over there and get me a can of coke'"This was a few years ago and still makes me laugh when I think about it" - Davey Ash, "Best thing I’ve seen was outside a church. A little gay guy walked in to the bar, after plucking up some courage he went over to the Scouser and said " What are the chances of a blow job " The scouser punched him on the nose dragged him outside and punched him again before returning to his drink. Scouse Jokes! The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies Scouse Eggs. Sign in to follow this . I am proud of being a scouser though :) . Two kids playing football in a park in Manchester, when one of the kids is suddenly attacked by a rottweiler, luckily the other kid finds a plank of wood and shoves it in the dogs mouth, twists and breaks the dogs neck! "Watch" answers a scouser. Half the room went into hysterics including the nursing staff. Just had this one come in. TimRay: I've heard this story decades ago. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. and a voice from the back shouted 'for how long?'" Well most people do not realise that Liverpool is hugely stereotyped and is actually one of the nicest places you can live. and he said 'I was going to put £10 on him first goal scorer but I couldn't spell it so I done Heskey'" - Caff Caffrey, "Story from years back - the goalie, who was a big lad, missed the ball. somebody wrote underneath 'put St John on the wing'" - Clifford Roberts, "My fella worked in a bed shop and once a woman came in asking very loudly if they sold paedophile beds. As others have said some of those are 10/10. The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. April 16, 2007 in Jokes & Funny Stuff, Scouser walks into the D.S.S. A lad several places in front us says'Any chicken wings love? It's a good story, but is it a joke? What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi? Why do pigeons fly upside down over Liverpool? 100 of the funniest short jokes and one-liners. Turns out what she actually meant was orthopaedic" - Dionne Stevens, When you subscribe we will use the information you provide to send you these newsletters. Puzzled, the Scouser walked back to his buddies. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." He walked over to the United fan and tapped him on the shoulder. Thank You So much Sharing this post, JT: Sure if you think pedophilia is funny. Shortly afterward, one of the scousers leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Americans are hiding. It's a good story, but is it a joke? Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester more... Q: How many Scousers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One, but 200 had to apply for the job. "I've got a wagon with 20, 000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the bastards have managed to nick a motorbike already". The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees. But again, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand. Scouse Eggs Joke: 2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. Bob Hope was on 'Surprise Surprise', and bragged that despite his 97 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. She was telling him off and saying 'if you don't behave you won't go to football tomorrow'. A man goes on a business trip to Liverpool. Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool? scouser cunts . He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, 000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. All non-essential retailers must close under new national lockdown rules from Thursday, Gary Lineker makes Diogo Jota admission about Liverpool front three. The Reds' summer signing has scored two more goals against Atalanta having previously netted three in his last three matches. Share ; Comments; Subscriptions; Sign Out; By. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! Woman: Perfect timing. Whether it's daft conversations overheard on the bus, bizarre sights spotted in town or hilarious comments at the match, everyone has their own story of the moments that show off Scousers' sense of humour. All humor is subjective, of course. I'd not dare go to Anfield full stop. ', "I nearly fell over laughing" - Mark Davies, "In the Asda I overheard two older ladies '...and I've told him before Sue, you can't Febreeze your undies" - Christina Bishton, "Woman came into the photo shop I was working in and asked do we repair cameras as hers had got wet taken pictures of her granddaughter with the Olympic torch. Liverpool's new signing, Rigobert Song from Cameroon, has just played his first game for the (once) 'Mighty Reds'. Man: Can I have a pair of tights for my wife? Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. "You know them charity people that try and stop you? I am one of the people that hate Liverpool. I take it Anfield is the local dole office then? Sir Ken Dodd was never short of a quip or joke for any occasion - as his audiences will tell you. I was walking behind a lad and this girl tried to stop him and in a Scouse accent he goes 'sorry love - I don't speak English'" - Chris Watts He says 'I drive my truck from Hamburg to Liverpool via Holland/Belgium over to the UK and up to Liverpool, drops his load off and back to Hamburg in under 2 days.

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